Abandoned to the Night (The Brotherhood Series, Book 3) Page 5

  “You speak of Elliot. He does have a name, Ivana.” She could hear the hint of contempt in his tone. “You should know that both Elliot and Alexander are like brothers to me.”

  She should have been surprised, but with their thoughts aligned and their powers for mind manipulation, she supposed it was inevitable they would find one another. “You were drawn to those who share an affinity for blood. The bonds formed during times of adversity are not easily broken.”

  “Without Elliot’s friendship, I would not be sitting here. Was he the first person you turned?”

  An image of her sinking her fangs into Nikolai’s foul neck flashed into her mind, and she shuddered, repulsed she should even think of it after all this time. “Yes. Elliot was the first man I poisoned with my tainted blood.”

  Leo suddenly straightened, banged his fist on the arm of the chair. “God damn it, why?”

  “Because of the children,” she implored. She would do anything to protect them, to save them from pain. She threw her hands in the air. “It is all for the children.”

  Leo shook his head, confusion marring his brow. “But I don’t understand how the two are connected.”

  Ivana took a deep breath as she would need to remain calm if she had any hope of finishing this tale.

  “Herr Bruhn takes care of the children, the illegitimate offspring of the fine lords who pass through here and the servant women who will do anything to put food on the table.” Just saying the words aloud caused resentment to flare. “They come with their lofty manners and deceitful words, take their pleasure and leave nothing but misery behind in their wake. Poor innocent souls are discarded as though they are nothing, and it tears at my heart, rips it to shreds.”

  He sat in silence. She watched him swallow visibly as his gaze focused on a point of no interest on the floor.

  “Some women travel from the nearest town,” she continued in a desperate bid to make him understand. “Some are lured away by the promise of trinkets and pretty baubles. They leave the child of one gentleman behind when they go off with another. Some are not as lucky.” She swallowed, moistened her lips. “I do not blame the women. I blame the men desperate to satisfy their needs regardless of the human cost. Those men do not deserve the precious gift of life.”

  Indeed, she blamed Nicolai, too. For taking a sweet, naive girl and turning her into a freak of nature, a monster left all alone, abandoned to the night.

  Leo swallowed and then asked with an incredulous expression, “Is that why you turned Elliot, because of his licentious ways?”

  Ivana sneered. “You should have seen him and his blatant disregard for others. If you would only come to see the children, Leo, you would know why I was forced to stop him. Now he can satisfy his needs without spreading his seed. Now he cannot hide the monster beneath his elegant clothes and fancy words. Now he must spend eternity in the knowledge he will never find someone who will accept him when they see him for what he truly is.”

  “You’re wrong,” he snorted. “Elliot has recently married. His wife knows of his affliction, has witnessed him change. They are deeply in love.”

  Ivana gasped in shock, but then upon reflection said, “Then I expect he will want to thank me. The man I met in the mausoleum was incapable of expressing any genuine emotion.”

  Leo stood and walked over to the fire, placed his hands flat on the stone over-mantle as his head fell forward.

  She could hear his muttered curses, sense his inner torment, feel his confusion and pain. He picked up the poker and stabbed at the glowing embers as though they had wronged him in some way.

  “Did you take Elliot as your lover, too?” He did not turn to face her. “Did you lie with him like you did me?”

  Ivana shot up and put her hand on his shoulder. “Good Lord, no.” If only Leo could remember what he meant to her. If only he could remember all they had shared, then he would not have asked such a ridiculous question.

  He shrugged her hand away, but she remained at his shoulder. “And what of Alexander? He told me you brought him here in your carriage. He recalled lying on your bed.”

  “And did he tell you what he was doing when I lured him away from the tavern? Did he?”

  “No.”

  “Then you should know I have never met a gentleman so open in his vulgarity. It took every effort not to drain him dry where he sat.”

  “Yet still you brought him to your home.” He dropped the poker and turned to face her. She could see the disappointment in his eyes. “If he disgusted you as you say, why bring him here?”

  The sudden pain in her chest caused her throat to constrict, and she fought back the flurry of emotion. “I brought him here because of you,” she cried. “I thought I could use him to forget you. I thought having him here would help to eradicate your memory. But I should have known it was an impossible task.”

  “How long did he stay?”

  “Two hours.”

  Leo jerked his head back, and his disapproving stare cut her to the bone. “So you bit him and discarded him without a second thought?”

  Ivana nodded as she gazed at the floor. “I couldn’t bear to have him here. Sylvester took him to the forest and left him there.”

  He took a step towards her. “Did you not consider the fact he might be scared, terrified at the thought of waking to find he craved blood?”

  “Did he consider the fact he could have fathered a child? That the child would be abandoned, left frightened and all alone with no way to fend for itself?”

  Leo exhaled loudly but did not answer her question. “You said you had only turned three men. So there has been no one else since Alexander?”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  Because now I know I could not bear to touch another man, to drink from him, share my blood so intimately with him.

  “I … I found another way to be rid of them,” she said. “It takes but a drop of my blood in their ale for me to command their thoughts. It is far easier when they are inebriated to manipulate their minds.”

  He snorted. “I suppose I should be relieved that there are not more men with our affliction.”

  She could feel him withdrawing, pulling away from her, putting up a barrier.

  “Come with me tomorrow,” she pleaded. “I will be calling on Herr Bruhn as I do most nights. Come see the children and then you will understand my motives.”

  He dropped into the chair, his weary sigh tearing at her heart. “I do not know what to make of it all,” he said pushing his hands through his hair. “I do not know what to think.”

  “You do not need to think anything. Take some time. Meet the children.” She sounded desperate for his approval, although after what she had done, she would never receive it. “But you should rest now.”

  She would not rest tonight. She would lie in her bed trying so hard not to think of him, of his kiss, his touch, of the way he’d once loved her.

  “What of me?” he muttered. “You must have been watching me too. You must have disapproved of my antics. You brought me here in your carriage, forced me to sleep.”

  “You were drunk, behaving recklessly. When you took—” She closed her eyes briefly, swallowed down the pain the memory evoked. “When you took the maid from the tavern to your bed, I knew then it would only be a matter of time before you fathered a child here.”

  “I understand that now, Ivana. I understand why you lured me from the tavern. I recall following you up through the forest until you bundled me into your carriage. Although, at the time, I didn’t know you sought to rob me of my humanity. But I still don’t understand why you brought me here.”

  It had not been her intention, but some things were destined to be. “Do you believe in fate, Leo? Do you believe we will recognise our predetermined path if we look for the signs, the markers?”

  “If I didn’t, I do now,” he said with a shrug.

  “I dreamt of you, many times. I did not know it was you until we were in my carriage and something fo
rced me to taste your lips while you were sleeping.” Her heart skipped a beat as the vision flooded her mind. “That was all it took. Just one kiss and I knew I had found you.”

  He thrust forward, hit his chest numerous times with his clenched fist. “Yet still you turned me into this.”

  “As I said, you wanted to be with me. You felt the connection too. You wanted us to be together always. You might say a person could not possibly express such a depth of emotion after only a few short days. But I say, when you find the one you have lived with through many lifetimes, mortal time has no meaning, no value, no measure.”

  “If I felt that way, why would I leave?”

  “Because I did not give you a choice.”

  Because he meant too much to her. Because to let him stay would have meant risking everything.

  “It is the reason I have not helped you to remember all that happened here,” she said with some reluctance. “It is the reason I cannot allow you to stay now.”

  “You want me to leave?” he said, his tone revealing his shock.

  “No. I have never wanted that. But I don’t want you to die. I don’t want to leave Herr Bruhn with no means to provide for the children. I don’t want to put their lives in danger, make them targets for someone who would want to use them to hurt me.”

  His eyes widened. “I can speak for both Elliot and Alexander when I say we would never use innocent children as a means to hurt you.”

  He did not understand. Only one person had the power to ruin everything. Only one person could take away all the things that meant so much to her. The longer Leo stayed at the castle, the greater the chance she would take him to her bed. In that moment of wild, reckless abandonment, her heart would be open, her thoughts transported freely to the one person she desperately wanted to keep in the dark.

  “Then I thank you for putting my mind at ease,” she said to placate him.

  Leo sighed. “There is still one more thing I’m struggling to understand.”

  “What is that?”

  There were many secrets he had no knowledge of.

  He rubbed his chin as he narrowed his gaze. “You were prepared to die tonight. You stood with your arms raised to the heavens and waited for me to end it all. Why?”

  It was never her life she feared for.

  “Because we are living a nightmare. Because I have experienced paradise, cleansed my soul in its crystal clear waters, felt the brilliant rays of happiness warm my skin.” She closed her eyes and imagined feeling the glorious moment again. But her world was dark, bleak, hopeless. “When you have lost something so precious, life has little meaning.”

  “What of the children?”

  “I shall always provide for their material needs. But one day, I must leave them. They can never know what I am. As they grow, it will become more difficult for me to maintain a relationship with them. To lose someone through death is perhaps easier than to be abandoned by them.”

  “I understand what it’s like to feel alone,” he said. “But do not underestimate the devastation caused when someone dies. I am living proof it alters people, moulds them into a person they might never have become if not for the loss. Yet for those who are forsaken, there is always hope.”

  She gave a weak smile. “Then I should be thankful your desire for answers was more important to you than your desire for revenge.”

  All this talk of death and loneliness made her feel tired, weary. She needed to quench her sudden thirst and the magnificent man before her always proved too tempting to resist.

  “I must retire now.” She stood, and he did too. “Sylvester will escort you to your chamber. Will you come with me to visit the children tomorrow or are we to part for good this night?”

  The raw emotion flashing in his eyes pained her. Oh, how she wanted to soothe his soul. How she wanted to show him the beauty to be found in their joining.

  “I will come to see the children. I would know everything before I return to England.”

  An icy chill penetrated her bones.

  To tell him everything would inevitably bring the Devil to her door.

  Chapter 7

  Herr Bruhn welcomed them into his home. A look of relief and then suspicion marred his heavily lined brow. Leo smiled in the hope it would reassure him. After witnessing Leo wielding his sword, he did not blame the man for being wary.

  “It is good to see you, Frau Lockwood,” Herr Bruhn said clasping the lady’s gloved hand.

  Frau Lockwood, not Fraulein?

  Leo wondered why the old man had used the title. It never occurred to him Ivana could be widowed. A wave of jealousy surged through his body at the thought she had loved a man enough to marry him. Or perhaps it was simply a case of her wishing to appear less vulnerable. Such stunning features would surely attract a gentleman’s eye, although woe betide any man who sought to take advantage.

  The old man’s gaze flitted back and forth between them.

  “You remember the gentleman who helped me home last night?” she said putting a hand on Leo’s arm. The affectionate gesture was given purely to placate Herr Bruhn’s fears, but her touch sparked the usual warm feeling of familiarity.

  “Yes, yes,” Herr Bruhn nodded as he turned his attention to Leo. “I am pleased to see you have left that sword of yours at home. I fear it would frighten the children.”

  Ivana smiled. “Leo is often over-cautious. But perhaps the children might like to see a genuine knight going about his duties.”

  She had introduced him in a tone and manner befitting a servant. He suppressed the need to correct her, to offer a bow and boast of his ancestral roots. When possessed with their deviant affliction, it would not be wise to draw undue attention.

  “Welcome, welcome.” Herr Bruhn gestured for them to enter the parlour. The tempting smell of freshly baked bread wafted through the house. “Have you both eaten?”

  Ivana nodded. “Yes, we dined before we left. I am ashamed to admit we were rather ravenous and couldn’t possibly eat another thing.”

  “Ah, never mind,” Herr Bruhn said with a hint of disappointment. “The children have made bread, and I know how they like to please you.”

  Leo pulled Ivana’s cape from her shoulders, pleased to hear her sharp intake of breath when his fingers brushed against the soft skin at her nape. “Frau Lockwood has eaten far too much this evening, but I will happily try the bread if you think the children will not object.”

  With its dry, clumpy texture, he found bread hard to swallow, but Elliot had taught him to tolerate small quantities of food and drink.

  A brief look of panic flashed in Ivana’s blue eyes. “Are you sure you can manage to eat anything more?”

  Leo gave an arrogant smirk. “A piece of bread won’t make much difference.”

  “Excellent.” Herr Bruhn clapped his hands but then his expression grew solemn as he turned to Ivana. “I thought you did not look well when you left here last night. Your face held an almost deathly pallor, and the damp air will only make matters worse. You should not have ventured out this evening.”

  Leo felt a tinge of guilt. She had sensed his presence, had expected to meet her demise. Despite everything she’d said about being prepared to die, the ashen complexion Herr Bruhn noted would surely have been attributed to fear.

  “I am fine now I have eaten,” she reassured. “And you know there is nothing that would prevent me from visiting the children.”

  Herr Bruhn turned to him. “She is an angel sent from the Lord.”

  Ivana’s cheeks flushed berry red, and she looked to the floor.

  “Do not be modest,” the old man continued. “Without you, where would these poor children be?”

  For once in his miserable existence, Leo was left dumbstruck. During all of his licentious encounters, the thought of fathering offspring had never really concerned him. Yes, at times he had sheathed his manhood as a means of warding off infection. He had mastered the art of withdrawal, knew some women soaked sponges with anything a
cidic enough to act as a deadly barrier.

  What had once seemed like the irresponsible pursuits of an aristocratic gentleman, now felt like the vulgar actions of a scoundrel.

  “Come, come through to the fire,” Herr Bruhn continued.

  Ivana glanced at him as they followed the old man into the parlour. “You see. Not everyone believes I am a cold-hearted devil,” she whispered.

  “Evidently, you’re loved and well-respected here.”

  “Please sit.” Herr Bruhn gestured to the two chairs hugging the hearth. “I shall go and find the children.”

  Leo watched him scuttle out. “How many children live here?” He glanced around the room smaller than the cupboard he reserved for his boots.

  “Five,” Ivana replied from the seat opposite. “Matilda is the eldest and will be ten next month. Christoph is three and the youngest here.”

  A sudden wave of panic passed over him. It had been three years since he’d visited the village.

  “Christoph is not your son, if that is what’s worrying you,” she said reading his thoughts. “He will be four next week.”

  She gave a weak smile upon hearing his audible sigh of relief. While some men were preoccupied with furthering their bloodline, Leo had never wanted to be a father. Indeed, Elliot would probably argue that he couldn’t even look after himself. But it had more to do with seeing his father die at such a young age. The responsibility of a marquessate proved too much for him, his heart too weak to withstand the burden.

  “You can’t blame me for thinking the worst,” he said.

  “Frau Lockwood. Frau Lockwood.”

  Two boys ran into the parlour, and he recognised them as the ones she had chastised the night before. They stood to attention before her as though she was a naval captain and they were lowly cabin hands desperate to make a good impression.

  “What have I said about running?” Herr Bruhn hurried in behind them, carrying a small boy who appeared rather sleepy. “If you trip over the rug, you’re sure to lose your teeth.”